Ever heard of a website called "Fiverr" (yes, with two "r's")? You haven't? Well, don't leave my post just yet, but please, go to it asap. Here is the site: www.fiverr.com. It's awesome. You pay people five dollars to do a bunch of random shit. They will do semi-normal stuff like knit you an oven mit, or paint you a picture or show you how to fix a leaky faucet or whatever, but there are also people who do really bizarre and funny things. There are people who will do dances in chicken suits, or send you a box full of owls (I ordered the owls) and a whole cacophony of assorted nonsense. I started wracking my brain, trying to think of what I could do on Fiverr. Quite frankly, I could use some extra cash and I have some spare time on my hands. This is what happens when I need to occupy myself.
So, that is what I decided to do. For five dollars, I will, incognito (of course), break up with anyone anonymously, in a ridiculously funny way. Well, in a ridiculous way at least. I immediately created an account on Fiverr and made some examples of my wares. I have not yet posted the actual videos to Fiverr, because I can't get them to format properly... I am new at this. I will get them up there as well and we will be in business. Here is how it works though: So, the buyer sends me five dollars via Paypal and an email with their specifications, including names, facts, their desired tone, etc. and I will create a short, custom video breaking up with the person of their choosing. Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.
I also thought I would throw in the possibility of customizable videos for things other than breakups. There are naturally, many difficult situations out there which people do not wish to discuss and I am perfectly willing to break that bad news on their behalf as well, for the low, low price of five dollars. In fact, I will even create videos you can customize yourself, should you be technologically savvy! I'll do characters, costumes, holidays, impressions, you name it, I'll try it... so long as you pay up. Mostly though, I will break up with people. Takes the pressure off, huh? I thought you could even choose how I break up with the person. Should I be kind? Should I be crazy and cruel? Should I be brief? Dramatic? You're the boss, so it's all up to you.
Here is a link to my Fiverr ad. http://fiverr.com/willij1/anonymously-break-up-with-anyone. Now, bear in mind, I am not the only one who is offering to break up with people on Fiverr. I think I do it the best though and that you should buy my videos. I am writing this on Thursday night and tonight, instead of going out to the bar, NerdLove came over and helped me make these examples for you of what you might get for your five dollars. Please bear in mind that I am 100%, stone cold sober in each and every one of these and that I was sober when this idea germinated in my head.
This WILL REQUIRE YOU TO WATCH THE VIDEOS TO UNDERSTAND THE POST. However, they are super short and I think they're worth it. I am hoping you also enjoy them and that I am not completely insane and alone in my sense of humor. My intention is for them to be like the first two and not like the shorter ones which follow. The shorter ones are for fun and for your entertainment... and mine.
Please keep in mind that these scenarios are all entirely fictional, made up by me, as are the people. Any resemblance to any persons living or deceased means you are a moron who reads too much into things. I did each one of these in one take and except for the beginnings and endings, they are unedited. I now have a video editing program though and a webcam and I intend to do some silly stuff once I figure it all out.
Also, again I swear, I am 100% sober. I realize that may be hard to believe, but it's true. AGAIN AS A DISCLAIMER - These are bizarre. I mean, they're funny as hell (in my opinion) but they're weird. I am disguised so as to protect my identity and to make it easier on the recipients. It also makes it funnier. Like... a lot funnier. I love 'em. I hope you do too.
Here is what you might get if you asked for a "kind" or "inspirational" video (watch the whole thing, it is funny too):
This next one is for when you don't want to mince words or fuck around anymore. Short, sweet and to the point. I think still worth the five bucks.
This is an example of what you could do if you wanted something which did not involve a break up. I would be happy to assist you in breaking any and all "bad" or difficult to convey news, because I am benevolent in that way and you are paying me five dollars. The holidays often present a time of hard to discuss topics. I can relieve some of that pressure for you, by conveying the bad shit in a holiday appropriate way. It's very festive.
Be honest, if someone broke up with you in one of these ways, you wouldn't be all that upset, would you? Nah.
Have a great weekend, dear readers. I will be thinking about you. I will be packing and writing and thinking about all of you. Have fun, be safe and if you need to break up with anyone, email me first.
P.S. Just for the fuck of it, here is AC/DC doing Dirty Deeds Done Dirty Cheap. Rock out a little, on me.